Social Exile

On January the 19th I decided to disconnect myself from the social world. I turned off my phone, deleted my facebook and stopped opening Adium (my awesome IM app w/ a purple duck). My livejournal and blog stayed online because I used them to express myself rather than socialize. Immediately afterwards I felt a sense of serenity and focus. The isolation made me feel less jittery, more confident and way more productive. Suddenly I was churning out paintings and poetry, taking care of my finances, excercising and tutoring my younger brother.

This lasted until the 22nd when I turned on my phone and realized one of my best friends had called me. I called her back and we hung out and yet none of the traits that manifested themselves from the self-imposed social exile had left me. In fact after my 24 hr outing with her I felt even more energized and happy. So what was the problem? I realized that most of my close friendships are toxic. I only have two real friends that support me and care for my work and well being without trying to compete with me or bring me down. Ouch. I'm actively ignoring eight people who I identified as being the source of terrible negativity in my life. I'm still in contact with new/fringe friends (I had an evening out with an old acquaintace of mine and it was wonderful) and I guess eventually I'll reactivate my facebook and start answering my phone consistently but for now I'm gonna go the loner route and try to reassurt my sense of self.

The most important thing; This feels good.