If It's Forbidden It Obviously Doesn't Happen

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The article Teen Sex: Should You Allow Sleepovers? discusses whether it is wise to allow a teenager to have a sleepover with the opposite sex. The tone of the article suggests that parents should feel totally comfortable fooling themselves into thinking that by not allowing sanctioned privacy for sex to their teenagers that they will be able to prevent their teenagers from having sex. There is small emphasis on the great need for parents to present sexual intercourse in the light of medical and personal safety. As parents are told that they need to educate their teen about safe sex as early as possible they are also prompted to bring Love into the conversation. This confuses the issue rather than helps teens make sound sexual choices. During teen years it is very difficult to be able to tell lust from love, even older experienced adults sometimes have problems differentiating the two sentiments but instead of emphasizing the issue of consent and personal readiness parents and educators often tell teens that their first time should be with someone they love. “Professor Tanya Byron, psychologist and times2 columnist, says that no 14-year-old she has met is emotionally or psychologically mature enough to understand the implications of sex in the longer term.” Ms Byron would be even harder pressed to find a 14-year-old who has full understanding of what a “loving committed relationship” entails. More to the point, a twenty or even thirty-year-old who has not had adequate relationship experience as well as sexual experience will not have the mental resources to understand the emotional and psychological implications of sex in the longer term. Sexual readiness isn’t a question of age. The best that parents can do to determine whether their teen is ready to start having sex is whether the teen is able to practice sex safely and make independent decisions. Without the benefit of hindsight and adequate reflection of an individuals experiences one can never fully understand how any sort of intimate relationships affect us. To assume that at age sixteen or even eighteen a teen is more ready to start having sex than at fourteen is arbitrary at best and to further assume that by not allowing a teen to have sleepovers (or a measure of privacy in their own home) a parent can somehow deter their child from having sex too early is illogical. The ending quote of this article is by Honor Rhodes who sternly tells parents “We really have to be prepared to be disliked, ….We are reluctant to say no and I really think we should. Children have lots of friends, and what they need from us are parents.” However what’s the point of putting up boundaries that teens will undoubtedly find a way around? A ready and willing teen couple will find a place to have sex whether their parents have sanctioned it or not, it just might not be as comfortable or safe as their bedroom. A more concerning parental blunder is perceiving yourself as being able to gauge whether your child is mature enough to have sex rather than respecting whatever decision he or she may make.


http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article5834488.ece