Foggy Brain

I'm trying really hard to keep myself from slipping into old routines, old thought patterns of submission and inadequacy. There's only so much that one person can take, only so much that they can do for another and likewise the other cannot be expected to constantly be happy, and to feel affinity every second of the day.

I know there are no rules or defaults for love and romance, everyone has to make it up as they go along. It's just sometimes it's hard to think and easy to be scared when my heart is beating way too fast. I want to think 'this isn't how things are supposed to happen' but he and I aren't players on a game-board with set steps and click-lock mechanical brains. At the same time I feel like I'm dancing on the edge of an abyss I've worked my entire life to climb out of.